Suicidal Kiss

“Ichigo!”

I ran to him. I couldn’t bear to see him do this. I grabbed his hands, tightly gripping the zanpakuto he held to his throat. I looked into his deep brown eyes, they were empty and full of despair.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

I received no response. I was angry with him, how could he try and kill himself? He was my only hope, if I trained I could live. Maybe return to the Soul Society, to my squad. A small drop of blood spilt from his neck. He was seriously going to kill himself.

“Don’t do this. Don’t throw away your life! Don’t leave.”

I hugged him tightly, making it impossible to hurt himself without hurting me. Tears began falling down my cheeks.

“If you leave, I won’t be able to this. I won’t win. If you kill yourself, I will never forgive you.”

He dropped Zangetsu, wrapping his arms around me, tears slipping from his eyes too.

“Harumi. I don’t want to stay in this world alone. Just let me die.”

His words stung, alone? I for certain would never leave him. I’d never leave his side if that would keep Ichigo alive.

“I’ll stay with you! You’ll never be alone. I owe you my life, so take it, do whatever you want with it! Sacrifice it in order to save your own. If you leave me here there is no doubt that Aizen will simply kill me.”

“Please don’t say that Harumi. I would never kill you, I would never let Aizen get you. Never again. But you know that isn’t what I meant. I want to be with someone as you are with Kisuke. A partner to share my life with. Please try to understand what I am saying Harumi.”

“Ichig--”

He cut me off before I could finish. He said four words that made everything stop. As if the whole world fell silent. They rung in my ears, over and over again. Four simple words.

“I love you Harumi.”

“You, you love me?!”

The look on his face said it all. Those eyes I had never seen before, they were gazing into mine and I could not pull away. He looked almost apologetic, even though I was at fault. I should have noticed, I could have noticed, yet I didn’t.

“Well then, please forgive me for what I’m about to do to you. Just know, this is the first and last time.”

Before he even had a chance to react I pulled him down into a gentle kiss, although he was surprised, and pulled away. Yet, I knew it was out of shock so I tried again. I pulled the startled orange haired man down to my height and slowly kissed him. However this time he didn’t resist. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss. I knew this was wrong, if Kisuke found out, I couldn’t even imagine how it would hurt him. Yet I didn’t stop, on the other hand Ichigo did.

“Harumi, I-I’m sorry. This, Kisuke, I--”

“Shut up Ichigo, I know what I’ve done,” I looked away from him, I couldn’t look at Ichigo, it felt awkward, “I know that this has screwed things up with Kisuke. But as I said, that was our first and last kiss. I’m sorry.”

“I understand.”

I watched him walk away, it pained me to watch.

“Wait! Don’t leave. I’m a horrible person for this, but I, I love you!”

Ichigo stopped in his tracks and turned to look at me.

“I may be in love with Kisuke, but I love you too. I’m so confused about my feelings, but I know that I want you both in my life. Please stay.”

He walked to me and embraced me once more.

“Just follow your heart Harumi. I will respect your decision.”

My eyes began to water again, I clenched my fists around his shirt pulling him closer. I wanted to be as close to him as I could. It was true, I loved him. I never wanted to let him leave. I was with Kisuke, but I loved Ichigo. He said follow my heart but it was clear I wanted Ichigo. I could never hurt Kisuke though, so I lied and broke his already damaged heart into more tiny pieces. I felt bad, but he was stronger than Kisuke. I would regret this, but it was the best thing to do.

“Goodbye Ichigo...”

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This is my first IchiHaru fanfic, hope you enjoyed;D
Another is on it's way: Final Decision